The struggle

This is part one in a three part series. I realized that I only share the good stuff on here and now that I have made it through some tough times I thought it would be good to share with you. Most of the time I never wrote about the hard times because I thought people wouldn't want to read it. So here is the the first of three parts:

To be completely honest my first 6-9 months was a massive struggle. I was not only adjusting to a new city, language, culture, co-workers, living situation, I was also struggling to accept where God had me.  The first six months I really struggled and questioned God if I was in the right location.  I had issues with not being back in Africa and I second guessed by decision frequently.  Those first few months I had to really pray through this issue and be so honest with God and prayed for acceptance and peace. I was truly at peace about where I was when we began to enter into the fall season.  I knew that God wanted me in Russia but I had to grieve that loss of not going back to Joburg and accept that for this time in my life I was suppose to be here in Russia.  The whole first year was hard overall.  Yes there were times where things were good and I was enjoying life here, but overall it was difficult.  I cried to my mom a couple times on the phone and even told her "I really dislike this place".  But because of those struggles, it made me appreciate and love this place and people more when my heart began to change and when I began to understand this culture better.   

I struggled with loneliness and prayed for the Lord to bring a true friend into my life (He did, in the form of two women and sisters in Christ and in a national friend).  The first year was hard and filled with rejection as I tried to meet people and share with them.  I am so thankful for the ministry that was already in place by the team, as that helped me to have a sense of direction and purpose amongst the rejection of people. The whole 2 years was also a time of trying different outreaches and ways to meet people, that is constantly changing and while frustrating at times it is exciting and brings variety to the work week.  Also in the beginning it was hard to adjust to the ever changing schedule that I have and trying to explain to people my schedule. I don't work a 9-5 job and it would be really frustrating trying to explain that to people (both here and in the states).

One of the biggest challenges was relearning how to be dependent on people and ask for help. With not knowing the language (and I am still working on that) I had to rely on the help of others to do small things in the beginning.  As an adult I know how to go to the Post Office, ask for meat at the store and buy groceries, but when you can't speak or understand you have to ask for help in learning what to say in these places and how to read signs.  I am very thankful for my teacher who has been very patient with me and has helped so much.  It is through having to revert back to a child like learning stage that you learn and trust and see God in a new way.  The first couple of months weren't just asking others for help it was and still is learning to fully depend on God in all situations.  If it wasn't for Him I would have had a really really hard time.  

I made it through the first year of hard times, seasonal depression, the seemingly never ending winter and darkness, challenges and frustrations and around the 9ish month mark things began to change.  Things weren't as hard and frustrating.  While those first few months were filled with struggles they also held some exciting and fun times with people and exploring the city.  I don't want you to read this and think is was all bad, it wasn't this is just a reality of my 1st year that I never really shared publicly and now that I am past it, I can fully express my throughout on that time.  Trust me things got better and 2013 brought some amazing things.

Stay tuned...

winter darkness

Winter here is dark. Plain and simple.  The sun doesn't shine that often and most days are grey and cloudy.  It is hard to understand what I mean by it's dark, unless you live in a location where the winters are dark. Until I moved here I thought I knew what a dark winter meant, but I was wrong. The months of darkness and winter can seem to drag on.  Unlike the summer where the sun is always shinning and seems to never fully set, the sun doesn't come up until late morning in the winter and sets early in the evening. This morning I went out to run some errands and thought I'd show you what a normal morning in winter is like.

8:30 am, walking to the bus stop.

8:30 am, waiting on the bus. The sky is fully dark,
the only lights are from the street lamps and car lights.

9:00 am

10:00 am. The sun is just beginning to rise.

10:30 am

11:00 am

11:00 am, the sun still isn't fully up yet.

It is almost noon before the sky is bright and the sun is shinning. Today the sky is actually blue and not grey (not long after writing this the sky turned grey and it began to snow).  Even on days when the sun comes out and the sky is blue, it still begins to get dark around 4.

2:00 pm and the sky is blue today!
Today is the only day this week it isn't
suppose to be snowing. correction, it began snowing
around 4pm. 

Seasons in Pictures

Life in the city:

Winter mornings, around 9:30 am

Russian living: The Post Office...

It is always a gamble going to the Post Office. Will it be busy, will it be empty, will I have to wait a long time, are there new people working there, what time do they close again for their break? All these questions I wonder going into the post office.  Now let me just preface this by saying that even russians say that the post office system makes no sense to them.  I went into the post office today to mail a few letters and immediately saw that there was a line (everyone was paying bills and mailing new years gifts) and I figured there would be since it is the holiday season.  I go and stand in the line for picking up or mailing letters/packages and not in the line for paying bills.  I stand wait, and wait some more. Slowly the next person goes to the counter.  I should also mention that this "line" is just a jumble of people and where you must claim your spot in line and then you can either stand/sit or leave the post office then come back and get right back in that spot.  So I wait some more and realize that there was another person in front of the woman standing in front of me, and wait some more.  More people enter the post office and ask who is last in line, the grandmother behind me, as well as a few other men behind her,  are very vocal in letting the new people know who exactly is last and the grandmother lets them know that she is behind me, the girl.  We wait some more and by now I am sweating (as it is 5 degrees Farenheiht outside and I have on my thick coat) and the grandmother behind me is saying how it is hot and there is no organization and that the organization is interesting.  I smile nod my head and mumble a couple words of acknowledgement back to her.  Slowly the time passes, more people join the line/crowd, the temperature rises and I still wait. After an hour it is finally my turn and in less then three minutes I get my stamps, pay, mail my letters and am walking back out into the sunny cold afternoon.  Minus the extra wait it was a normal trip to the post office, with each visit being a slight variation on todays trip. Don't take for granted being able to put a letter into your mailbox or have Fedex/UPS deliver a package to your door.