The finale part...

The end is here and with that I can look back and reflect on these past two years.  This past year has been amazing and the Lord opened some unexpected doors that I am oh so thankful for. One door that He opened was for me to be able to start a long term discipleship time with Olga.  Our time together studying the Word and praying for each other has become one of the highlights of my week.  I had tried to start discipleship with two other girls while I was here, but eventually after meeting three or four weeks it would fade away and they would stop showing up.  Like we are instructed in Acts, I shook the dust off of my sandals and moved on to the next person.  One thing that the Lord has shown me during this time is knowing when to continue investing in someone and when it is time to either move on or readjust your time focus with them.  I will admit this has been something that has taken time for me to understand and recognize.  

This past year the Lord opened up a door that I never thought would even be available.  I was able to join a small group of other believers, a mixture of non nationals and nationals, and help bring awareness to the Global injustice that is human trafficking and how it needs to be stopped.  If you would have asked me at the beginning of 2012 if I would go to Russia and be part of a group that is focused on stopping human trafficking I would have told you no.  We as a group have been blown away by the opportunities that the Lord has given us to share with the community about this injustice and with each presentation we are able to share the Good News.  The Lord not only provided me with another ministry focus that I have a passion for but He also provided me with other sisters and brothers in Christ who have become good friends.  Through this the Lord has blessed me with a group of friends that I have been able to pray with, share with, learn from, and celebrate with.  He has shown me that while we may be from different parts of the world, sent by different organizations or churches, that we all have the same goal and that is for His name to be glorified throughout the nations and that we need to help each other to do this.  

I can look back and say that through it all God is good and that He provides and takes care of his sheep.  These past two years I have been in the valley and asking God where he was and I have been at the top of the mountain walking closely with the Lord.  Through all those seasons of life that I have experienced, I can say that God remains the same today, yesterday and tomorrow.  He never changes and I can put my hope in Him.

In April 2012 I landed in Russia with little to no expectations and with other passengers on my flight telling me I was crazy and stupid for choosing to live here.  In a short time I will be leaving Russia with a love and respect for the people and the church here and with a thankful and full heart. 

A turning point...

Part two of the three:

With the beginning of a new year (2013) also came the beginning of a new stage. January began to change and things were starting to get better.  I was able to communicate better, be more independent, and I was starting to find my niche in the city and with work.  In November of 2012 I was out of Russia for an extended time due to visa problems and during that time I truly missed it and was looking forward to being back.  That for me, was a marker in my transition from the struggling stage to where I am now.  Things continued to improve and I started to be more interested in understanding this country and culture I was living in.  I knew so little about this place.  I began to learn and understand the history and saw how it still affects them today.  There is so much history here and while it isn't always pretty, there is a beauty and resilience that surrounds this culture that people over look at times.  

Winter finally gave way to spring (in May) and it was like overnight the sun returned and the trees were bursting with green.  Like the melting of the snow and the blooming of spring, the Lord had slowly been changing and melting my heart.  I began to find beauty in the smallest things in the city.  I began embracing all the things that used to frustrate me and while I was still being rejected by people when asking if they wanted to read the Bible, I wasn't so defeated by that anymore and I would just pick up and move forward.  I was still praying for one girl to disciple and there would be two who would last a short time, but there would soon be one who I would be able to disciple long term.

Out of the past 12 months there is one week that stands out the most.  One incredible and life changing week.  I was invited, along with 2 other people i work with, to help with an english camp in a small city in Siberia. Leading up to this week I had a feeling that something big might happen and my vague prayer had been for the Lord to show me something that week.  After a surprisingly fun 24 hour train ride, a day in a large city and a 4 hour drive we made it to the city we would be working in.  This is also where I saw firsthand the beauty of the Russian countryside.  That was also the coldest summer camp that I had ever been to and the mosquitoes were on a plague scale.  The camp sat on a river (hence the mosquitoes) and had some of the most beautiful sunsets I'd ever seen.  I was fortunate to have a great class and spent time with some great people and most importantly shared freely and unashamedly about God with theses people.  It was this week that the Lord confirmed my calling in life and over the remaining summer I would see it reconfirmed and see the Lord work in ways I never would have imagined.  The Lord had to let me struggle for that first year for me to see and know His plan for me (as of Now, God can change my plan if he wants) in terms of the next step.

The first few months I felt like I was just hitting a wall and then all of a sudden the wall came crashing down.  There were still hurdles to face during 2013 but overall those 12 months were a time of growth, enjoyment, and discovering new things about this city and ways to reach it.  The biggest thing I learned in that year was that sometimes the Lord will ask us to do something and we can say 'yes' and He will then close that door;  because sometimes all He really wants is to know if we are willing.

The struggle

This is part one in a three part series. I realized that I only share the good stuff on here and now that I have made it through some tough times I thought it would be good to share with you. Most of the time I never wrote about the hard times because I thought people wouldn't want to read it. So here is the the first of three parts:

To be completely honest my first 6-9 months was a massive struggle. I was not only adjusting to a new city, language, culture, co-workers, living situation, I was also struggling to accept where God had me.  The first six months I really struggled and questioned God if I was in the right location.  I had issues with not being back in Africa and I second guessed by decision frequently.  Those first few months I had to really pray through this issue and be so honest with God and prayed for acceptance and peace. I was truly at peace about where I was when we began to enter into the fall season.  I knew that God wanted me in Russia but I had to grieve that loss of not going back to Joburg and accept that for this time in my life I was suppose to be here in Russia.  The whole first year was hard overall.  Yes there were times where things were good and I was enjoying life here, but overall it was difficult.  I cried to my mom a couple times on the phone and even told her "I really dislike this place".  But because of those struggles, it made me appreciate and love this place and people more when my heart began to change and when I began to understand this culture better.   

I struggled with loneliness and prayed for the Lord to bring a true friend into my life (He did, in the form of two women and sisters in Christ and in a national friend).  The first year was hard and filled with rejection as I tried to meet people and share with them.  I am so thankful for the ministry that was already in place by the team, as that helped me to have a sense of direction and purpose amongst the rejection of people. The whole 2 years was also a time of trying different outreaches and ways to meet people, that is constantly changing and while frustrating at times it is exciting and brings variety to the work week.  Also in the beginning it was hard to adjust to the ever changing schedule that I have and trying to explain to people my schedule. I don't work a 9-5 job and it would be really frustrating trying to explain that to people (both here and in the states).

One of the biggest challenges was relearning how to be dependent on people and ask for help. With not knowing the language (and I am still working on that) I had to rely on the help of others to do small things in the beginning.  As an adult I know how to go to the Post Office, ask for meat at the store and buy groceries, but when you can't speak or understand you have to ask for help in learning what to say in these places and how to read signs.  I am very thankful for my teacher who has been very patient with me and has helped so much.  It is through having to revert back to a child like learning stage that you learn and trust and see God in a new way.  The first couple of months weren't just asking others for help it was and still is learning to fully depend on God in all situations.  If it wasn't for Him I would have had a really really hard time.  

I made it through the first year of hard times, seasonal depression, the seemingly never ending winter and darkness, challenges and frustrations and around the 9ish month mark things began to change.  Things weren't as hard and frustrating.  While those first few months were filled with struggles they also held some exciting and fun times with people and exploring the city.  I don't want you to read this and think is was all bad, it wasn't this is just a reality of my 1st year that I never really shared publicly and now that I am past it, I can fully express my throughout on that time.  Trust me things got better and 2013 brought some amazing things.

Stay tuned...

winter darkness

Winter here is dark. Plain and simple.  The sun doesn't shine that often and most days are grey and cloudy.  It is hard to understand what I mean by it's dark, unless you live in a location where the winters are dark. Until I moved here I thought I knew what a dark winter meant, but I was wrong. The months of darkness and winter can seem to drag on.  Unlike the summer where the sun is always shinning and seems to never fully set, the sun doesn't come up until late morning in the winter and sets early in the evening. This morning I went out to run some errands and thought I'd show you what a normal morning in winter is like.

8:30 am, walking to the bus stop.

8:30 am, waiting on the bus. The sky is fully dark,
the only lights are from the street lamps and car lights.

9:00 am

10:00 am. The sun is just beginning to rise.

10:30 am

11:00 am

11:00 am, the sun still isn't fully up yet.

It is almost noon before the sky is bright and the sun is shinning. Today the sky is actually blue and not grey (not long after writing this the sky turned grey and it began to snow).  Even on days when the sun comes out and the sky is blue, it still begins to get dark around 4.

2:00 pm and the sky is blue today!
Today is the only day this week it isn't
suppose to be snowing. correction, it began snowing
around 4pm. 

Seasons in Pictures

Life in the city:

Winter mornings, around 9:30 am

Russian living: The Post Office...

It is always a gamble going to the Post Office. Will it be busy, will it be empty, will I have to wait a long time, are there new people working there, what time do they close again for their break? All these questions I wonder going into the post office.  Now let me just preface this by saying that even russians say that the post office system makes no sense to them.  I went into the post office today to mail a few letters and immediately saw that there was a line (everyone was paying bills and mailing new years gifts) and I figured there would be since it is the holiday season.  I go and stand in the line for picking up or mailing letters/packages and not in the line for paying bills.  I stand wait, and wait some more. Slowly the next person goes to the counter.  I should also mention that this "line" is just a jumble of people and where you must claim your spot in line and then you can either stand/sit or leave the post office then come back and get right back in that spot.  So I wait some more and realize that there was another person in front of the woman standing in front of me, and wait some more.  More people enter the post office and ask who is last in line, the grandmother behind me, as well as a few other men behind her,  are very vocal in letting the new people know who exactly is last and the grandmother lets them know that she is behind me, the girl.  We wait some more and by now I am sweating (as it is 5 degrees Farenheiht outside and I have on my thick coat) and the grandmother behind me is saying how it is hot and there is no organization and that the organization is interesting.  I smile nod my head and mumble a couple words of acknowledgement back to her.  Slowly the time passes, more people join the line/crowd, the temperature rises and I still wait. After an hour it is finally my turn and in less then three minutes I get my stamps, pay, mail my letters and am walking back out into the sunny cold afternoon.  Minus the extra wait it was a normal trip to the post office, with each visit being a slight variation on todays trip. Don't take for granted being able to put a letter into your mailbox or have Fedex/UPS deliver a package to your door.

All who wander....

"Not all those who wander are lost."  The famous quote by J.R.R. Tolkien (I had no idea he said that until I wrote this).  I find that saying very relevant to my life here. At some point in the week you can find me wandering the city.  I just roam (as my friend Janet puts it), no where in particular, just walking around side streets and around apartments, through parks, finding nifty little shops and little pieces of beauty. As the weather changes and the leaves are turning yellow and orange it is great weather for wandering.  A time of wandering, a time of prayer, a time to be thankful and a time to pray for a city that is lost, and a city that the Lord has used to change and mold me.  I will never be able to fully express in words the struggles, joys, and growth that has occurred during my time here, just like I will never be able to fully express the beauty, frustration, love, weird time warp and unexpectedness that this city and country hold.  So for now I wander the streets, praying, taking in every smell, site and ray of light, for soon the time will come when I will no longer be able to wander the streets and wonder many things or sit and read a book in my favorite park or coffee shop. More importantly there will soon be a time when I can no longer meet face to face with the people that I have gotten to know here, so for now I will soak up as much time with them as I can. I wander but am not lost.